Ever since the devastating news we faced this past January, my prayer for this year was a prayer for peace.
And we’re now in that place. A place of peace. One that could only be from the Lord. If someone were to have told me that we would be here less than a year later, I would have never believed them. That’s how I know it wasn’t our own strength that got us to where we are today.
There were days I thought I was fine and then just moments later, realized I was not. Days I tried to connect with the Lord and days I didn’t try at all. But He was always there, He never gave up on us even when we gave up on Him. I felt that. After a time of great sorrow, I remember the very day when I realized that I am grateful for the situation we are in. Grateful. I realized that I’m grateful we can’t have biological children, because then we wouldn’t be adopting.
That’s right…we are adopting!
And we’re adopting from right where we are – Uganda!
We’re in a place of such peace that this is what the Lord has asked us to do. That this is part of our calling. That this is part of God’s plan for us. We are so sure of this calling that I feel a hole right now in my role here in Uganda. That our work with LifeNet is only part of why God brought us here.
He not only sent us here for the purpose of LifeNet and the amazing work they are doing, but also to find our child!
We are happy. We are well. We are at peace. We are so excited to build our family through adoption. I am now in a place where I hear news of friends getting pregnant and I can genuinely be happy for them and then look at our situation and think of how blessed we are to be able to build our family in this different special way. It feels like a privilege.
I know that previously I was lamenting the fact that this has made us different from everyone else in yet another way. But now, I realize that God wants us to be different — He made us all to be unique.
When we were in Canada this past summer we were able to share with all of our loved ones our exciting news and the responses we received brought us so much joy. It was a dream come true for me. A really special time full of such beauty!
Since then, some of the responses we have gotten from others have been discouraging. I know they come from a thoughtful place and are meant to be “encouraging,” but that is not the case. These responses range from “okay you can adopt, but I am still praying for you to conceive” to “you just have to have faith.”
Let me just say that I am already feeling an overwhelming motherly instinct to protect my future child. To protect them from ever feeling like they were a second choice or that they are less “our child” than any biological child would have been – that they are less special because they were adopted. For those wishing us more faith — We have faith — great faith to have gotten to where we are today, and great faith to trust the Lord with our future and our family.
This is something that I learned many adoptive families go through and it is part of our experience. We are learning how to go through it. And how to go through it with grace. So on behalf of adoptive families in a similar situation, when we share our exciting news, don’t bring us back to that pain that we have already worked so hard to get through. Please don’t assume you know what the medical problem is that brought us to this situation. Don’t comment on our “level of faith” or our personal relationship with the Lord when you don’t know what He has told us or what He has planned for us. Listen to us when we ask you what to pray for us. And don’t make it seem as though having a biological child is better than adopting. Because it’s not. As sons and daughters of Christ, we are all adopted, and it is a deep privilege, both for us as children, and for our Father, who loves us.
When we stood before our church in Canada and shared our exciting news, the church prayed for us, and a woman whispered in my ear, “this is not a second choice, this is what I was praying for you.” And that is what I needed to hear. That was beautiful.
When we first found out we couldn’t have biological children, my wise dad wrote something to me that I cherish and can see so clearly now. He said: “We feel so deeply is so that we can worship Him deeply. For now, that worship is replaced with disappointment, even anger. Imagine how much He must feel for you in the midst of this revelation of your life’s journey when His will in it, for now, is hidden. Giving this up to Him to gain His peace is not in our nature. In the end, His desire for you is His total peace and fulfillment in your lives. If we didn’t have such challenges, we wouldn’t dig for answers. Maybe that is part of this too. This is all a path of discovery that won’t be easy to walk, but it is all part of shaping us in His image, and isn’t that our journey?”
We make plans and dream. God’s plans and dreams for us are better.
I want our child to know that we searched the world for them. That they were chosen.
So now we are on a search to find our child. But it’s not only about us wanting to be parents now, it’s also about wanting to be the parents that this particular child needs.
Because we are expats in Uganda, we have to adopt locally as opposed to internationally, which we are grateful for. We are on the ground and can ensure everything is done ethically and properly. We have started the process with an incredible local organization that does things the right way. It will take time, but it’s worth it knowing it will be done the right way. We don’t know what age our child will be or if it will be a boy or a girl. And we are not going to pick them ourselves, but wait to get matched by the organization. So we are just praying for the child that God has planned for us to have and praying that we are the parents that a particular child needs.
Thank you for your incredible prayers and support through this tough journey so far. We know we are in that place of peace due to prayer warriors like you.
Please now join us in this new journey by praying with us and for us. Pray for our child, who is most likely out there right now, waiting to find their “forever family.”
Thank you so much,
Nadine (and Josh).